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Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep

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Friday, March 9th, 2012
10:47 am - Redirecting...
In case you can't tell I really do not use this journal anymore. Follow my tumblr instead...

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Tuesday, February 27th, 2007
4:41 pm
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4:07 pm - dreading the undeading
The dreads are coming out. It's been a fun ride, but I am starting to miss my normal hair, I miss normal shampoo and sleeping with my hair wet and all the crazy colour combinations I can make with synthetic dreads, not to mention how dificult it is (to me anyway) to tie cyberlox and foam into real dreadlocks. Steve hates them, despite his best efforts to accept them. Maybe again some day. 

current mood: scared

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Saturday, February 3rd, 2007
11:13 pm
i have just realized that i live in a cage but i am going to begin my search for the key right now. wish me luck.

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Tuesday, January 30th, 2007
7:11 pm - Sometimes I dont need a reason to be pissed off, being with you is reason enough.
ARRGGHHRISMLV HDFDH NSDNFJHWF HHRFWH KNSDKM! there! thats how you make me feel sometimes! got it! sure i bet i make you mad and make you want to pull your hair out one by one, sure I smoke pot and look like a "fucking dirty hippie" and can't make my mind up about school! At least I know how to take care of myself, work for my own living and don't scrounge off of my fucking student girlfriend who pays for my entire fucking life like you do! I am so sick of looking after someone who treats me like shit. So sick of loving someone who takes me for granted. And so sick of being too stupid to do anything about it. Guess it isn't your fault after all. 

current mood: aggravated

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Friday, January 26th, 2007
7:59 pm - This I know for sure....

I Love
...Kittens (and cats)
Nintendo
snakes & lizards
Plastik Wrap
Those awesome delicious bastards in black metal bands
tattoos
 scarves
Cyber Dog
goth girls
Guitar Hero
Bunnies
quesadillas
green tea lattes
dreadlocks (especially colourful ones!)
Dani Filth

I Hate...
the fact that I eat and wear animals
Dead fish
Millipedes & Centipedes
Country music
taxes
People who don’t recycle
Socks and sandals
Organizational Behavior (worst fucking class ever)


Now to decide where to  order food from.... Maybe he will actually pay for it this time... doubtful... 

 



current mood: hungry

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Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007
10:59 pm - how can i see myself in 10 years when i cant even see myself now?
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, mostly about myself as selfish as that may seem. I'm just having a really hard time figuring out who I am and who I want to be. I suppose that is normal for a college student but not a day goes by where I don't criticize myself on an hourly basis. I've bitched about relationship stuff here enough, I know, but today I realized that I really love Steve. I mean I have always loved him, but today I realized just how badly I need him in my life - forever? I suppose that is why I hate him so much sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever truly be happy.. if that "perfect" person exists. Im not sure I want to find out, cause I think I already know the answer. 

Also I am sick of seeing animals die at work. 

Also every time I begin to think to myself I end up feeling guilty about something I do. 

Also I love the smell of new leather boots, and the feel of old leather coats, even if I do freeze my ass off waiting for the bus. At least I look hot. 

current mood: stressed

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Friday, January 19th, 2007
9:45 pm - Winter Wonderland
It's been snowing all day. More snow than is probably good.. at least for drivers (not that I would know). Sometimes I catch myself smiling to myself because of the snow, especially when it is big and fluffy. Maybe it's just me but there is something about snow that is similar to a drug.

current mood: giddy

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Wednesday, January 10th, 2007
1:12 pm
So, no bunny for me. I was hoping to ignore the fact that Steve has bad asthma and allergies so the bunny would probably put him, and a few of my other friends in the hospital! I still want one and am still going to find a way to make something work but it doesnt look like I will be getting one until I am out of an apartment and into a house of some sort which wont be for like another 5 years.
School is pretty nuts already. I have some pretty major assignments so far, the one being the banquet we are planning for April. Me, Leigh-Anne and Kim are in charge of fundraising. We've (and whe I say we I maen Kim)  collected about $200 so far. Not too shabby!

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Sunday, January 7th, 2007
7:41 pm
I have decided I want a bunny. I dont know where I will fit the cage though. Time for reorganizing the apartment- again!

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Saturday, January 6th, 2007
10:03 pm - do you think fish would like peanut butter?

It's back to school on Monday. I'm excited to see everyone again I guess but thats about it. I thought after a break I would be refreshed but I'm actually not. We'll see! 
Other than that not much else is new. I still need to get my tattoo touched up and finished that I got at Blue Dragon when I went with Leigh-Anne and Liz. I just spent all my money on a new ipod and ut some aside to go see Neko for some maintenance on my hair. Im getting her to throw in a few extensions too! I cant wait to see what it will look like!
That's about all for now.

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Saturday, October 28th, 2006
10:14 pm - I love being asked for ID!
So my birthday was pretty good despite two shitty mid-terms and having to run two departments on my own all night at work because the other girl called in sick. But Liz, Leigh-Anne and Kim took me out to a little sportsbar around the corner from school, forget what it was called, but we shared some wings and stuff and had a beer. Me and Liz did this shot called a Bloody Brain which was awesome but looked totally disgusting.
Skipped school yesterday to go shopping. I got my Halloween costume finally and it cost me a fortune but it was last mintue so I didnt have time to make anything myself which would have been cheaper. But it turned out well in the end. I somehow ended up spending like $300 and I still can't figure out how, because all the clothes I bought were on sale and I didnt buy a whole lot but oh well. I got some new black pants, a cute little red plaid kilt, two pairs of leg warmers, a bracelet, new foundation, two new eye liners and a cow print purse from Value Village. Not to shabby.
Last night Guz had a wicked Halloween party. he whole yard was done up like a cemetery and had the outdoor bar/patio covered in plastic with windows cut out and had it heated, so we had our choice of being inside at the bar or outside. Everybody had awesome costumes and was totally smashed so it was a good time as always. Can't wait for MetalFest next weekend at 69 Pick-Up's.
Today Steve was supposed to take me out to Mongolian Gill for my birthday dinner when I got off work, but instead I had to call in because I felt like crap, which I would love to blame on drinking too much but in truth I barely drank at all. So I spent most of the day sleeping until like 1, then laid around moaning for a while before Steve dragged me out to get fresh air. We ended up going to Kings Buffet in Guelph with Steve's parents, so now I feel pretty sick again after having Chinese food.

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Sunday, October 22nd, 2006
3:35 pm
Well it's four days until I'm 19! yay! I really not excited as I thought I would be. Steve keeps saying I should be really excited but I cant help it. Im excited for gifts and stuff, but Im just feeling bummed about a lot of stuff lately, most of it nonsense, and the rest Im doing nothing to try to fix so its ridiculous to complain.

School is keeping me busy. Its getting really boring though. Right now I am working on a news release that I had to try to find. Mine will never get pitched to the media because it is pretty trivial as far as mainstream media is concerned. Im focusing on California Death Fest and how Disgust and other local bands are going to be there. The whole course its just getting repetitive and im getting sick of school again and it's only midterms. Work is as crappy as ever. I have to work on my birthday and 10 hours every Saturday. I wish I could find a job that doesnt include working weekend but I guess that's the joys of being a student.

Jay is having a party the day after my birthday for Halloween, but I have no clue what to dress up as. I have a Victorian style gown I was thinking about wearing but it's not really a costume, just an excuse to dress up really. But it is already in my closet and considering I only have 5 bucks to my name right now its gonna have to do.

There was going to be a point to this entry but i forget what it was. oopsie!

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Friday, October 20th, 2006
11:01 am

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Friday, September 22nd, 2006
9:31 pm - how can you follow a map if you don't know where you're going?
What are you supposed to settle for and what do you keep searching to find? Is comfort enough? Is it worth giving up someone to hold you, to cry on, to keep your bed warm, to make you dinner after a hard day at work day after day, night after night just for the hopes of finding that perfect person Does anyone even believe in that perfect person anymore. It seems like people just get married, have kids and if it doesnt work out you can always divore and start over, but you will never truly be free will you? there will still be the divorce hearings and child support, not to mention trying to find a hot date with three kids and a dog piling into the family minivan. But why can there not be that thrill... why settle for comfot when maybe there is unbelievable passion awaiting you, only you are too chicken to give up your warm little blankie of compromises to find it. Then again maybe that 'cant-keep-my-hands-off-you-ven-after-ten-years-of-marriage' relationship is just a hoax. Have you ever met anyone truly like that? Is the passion just bound to die after time?

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Saturday, August 19th, 2006
1:50 pm - oh journal how ive missed you!
Well its been a while since I wrote in here last but not much has changed. I still have to take a decent pic of my dreads to post them up but Im far too hung over to do it now. I walked to the store to meet up with Rob and got caught in the rain, but I bought apple juice and found some mr. noodles when I got home so it was worth it, not Im just waiting for Steve and Beefie to wake up. I was hoping we could all go out for breakfast but it's already 1:40 and they arent up yet so I dont think it will be happening. Steve and I have to be at Swiss Chalet for 5:30 because of this big dinner for his grandma's birthday that the entire family is going to be at. I have no idea what to wear because after that we are going to see motherfucking snakes on a mother fucking plane with beef and steph and derek, then heading into hespeler afterwards to go to tara's party. Jay's party was pretty fun last night but it took forever for my beer to kick in. I felt sober all night then it hit me all at once.

This is going to be the last week of my awesomest job ever so Im kinda bummed about that. They offered me full time which would have been awesome because the benefit plan covers everything from private hospital rooms to advil. It rocks. But I had to turn it done because of school. Its going to be funny to see how I fit in there. I was reading the little orientation booklet that has a mini calender in it and couldnt believe the stupid activities that students participate in. Like a movie night in the lounge in residence where everyone sits on couches and watches movuies..... uuhh... no thanks. Or the toga party where people run around in bedsheets.... Id rather throw everyone in the pond and watch them try to swim with a sheet over their head. But Im not there to make enemies... im not there to make friends either though.

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Friday, June 30th, 2006
8:25 pm - CombiChrist video
Here's the latest single from CombiChrist's new album - on sale today in fact! In case anyone is interested.

I got my new glasses today! I dont have a pic uploaded yet but Ill get on it. I bought a new shower curtain that has colourd fishies with google eyes (ya know, the ones that shake). I love it, and I got clown fish hooks to hang it up with. Im such a loser. My new industrial piercing is finally starting to heal after a week of having it. The bruising has gone as as has most of the swelling although there is still quite a bit. I didnt like the results I was getting using just sealsalt to I started adding bactine to my cleaning routine and its doing much better.

Canada day tomorrow! yay! gonna go to the fair and watcjh the fireworks at riverside. I was gonna go up to Sauble with my dad because he keeps his boat in Wiarton but I didnt wanna be up there the whole weekend and I didnt wanna ask my dad to drive down and get me then drive all the way back down again to being me home two days later. The fireworks up there are so awesome though. Next year!

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Friday, June 23rd, 2006
4:02 am
I get my dreadies in like 3 weeks! So excited! I cant decide whether or not to get Neko to add some synth ones for some colour or not. I would like them but it will cost more and i figure i should learn to take care of my hair before adding more things to it.

Work was pretty fun today. I love Thursdays, everyone is always in such a good mood. It sucked because Alicia and I had opposite breaks mostly, and Donnie had to leave early to look after his daughter so I didnt have many people to talk to except Les and Pete. Les gave me candy, but I had to hold his smoke while he got it for me. I almsot caved and had a drag but I really dont want to start smoking again even though I miss it. I know it isnt worth it and I didnt go through all that for nothing. But damn it was tempting. There hasnt been overtime all week for us. Some of the students stayed tonight but it didn't get far enough down the seniority list for me and Alicia. I would have stayed I think if I ahd been asked, but I hate asking people for rides home. Some of the people up there are just weird. I thought 10 hour shifts would be bad, but now I dont know what to do with myself when I dont work 12 hour shifts. I like it, but I wish I had more time to work out and do housework. Tough toss up for 3 day weekends and getting paid $13.75 an hour for starters.

Helloween is gonna be playing in Montreal on Friday October 13th and Testament is palying in Montreal the next day. I want to go down for it but I doubt Steve will take me.  I wanna go because i can actually drink there and even though I dont listen to either band on a regular basis it would still be fucking awesome to see them live.  I dont remember what else I was gonna say.

current mood: high

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Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
1:14 pm
Ugh Im so pissed I dont know where to start. I woke up to this really bad smell in the bedroom today. Couldnt figure out what it was then thought "oh god the snake died after eating the rats because they were too big." my heart stopped. I didnt know what I was going to tell steve. Then I looked in the tank and realized that Prudence was not dead but had regurgitated my beautiful little babies and they were rotting in her digestive fluids on the bottom of her tank. Being the only one her I had to clean it, so for the last hour I have been gagging and scrubbing rotting rat and shit off of the tank, the snake, and yes... myself. yum! If it wasnt bad enough that she ate them then this definitly pushed it over the top. And it wouldnt have been so bad if Steve kept their tanks cleaned regularly but he doesnt, so I had to scrub out the filth and skin that was already in there on top of that. Then he used the excuse "oh well who feeds your animals half the time?" Fuck you at least Im not jeopradizing their life and making them live in filth, im just lazy and ask if he can feed them.  Then Im looking around the apartment, which is not kept tidy by anymeans and Im ok with that, but it seems that almost everything I ask him to clean up for me.. like cleaning off the mini grill in the ktichen.. still hasnt been done in over a week. I dont even know why I bother sometimes. It seems like every "man" I date is the same in one way or another. And Im not saying Im a walk in the park either because Im far from it. Im just so tired of being with unmotivated guys that care only about whats in the present/ and not about the future. It's not us together that I am worried about, its us as uindividuals. What exactly  am I supposed to do about that?

Is it worth having someone to keep your bed warm for everything you have to go through with them?

current mood: disappointed

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Sunday, June 18th, 2006
8:26 pm
I finally told my mom Im not going to back to school in the fall. I want to go but there just arent any programs I am interested in enough to spend the money on and force myself to do as a career. I want to go get my license and save for a car, probably go get my Smart Serve too so I can mybe get a bartending job somewhere. The deal is I have to pay my own rent if I am not in school, which is more than fair. I think she thought it would make me reconsider, or that it would make Steve actually pay his share of the rent. 

Steve and I woke up at 1:30 today, walked into the kitchen, and found his 7.5 ft. carpet python  IN the rat cage. There were no rats left. Only a very fat snake. I feel quite bad but it was a pretty funny surprise.

I just realized i am my mother. god.. if you exist.. .please help me and keep that from happening.

current mood: cynical

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